It seems like forever since I first came up with the idea of
writing a book that explains everything a modern man needs to know to be happy.
The first kernel of an idea began, as with so many of my inspirations, with a
cocktail – which in and of itself isn’t unusual, I suppose. Be that as it may,
I was on a flight and was chatting with a young lady who seemed mystified as to
why her fiancé (she pronounced it Fhay-an-ce, like Beyonce with a ffff and an
ay) didn’t respond to her ideas and thoughts as she hoped. As I imagined her
plunging 32 thousand feet to her death, or alternatively, someone driving an
ice pick through my ear to end the suffering, I thought, “Why is it that any
man would listen to this for more than five seconds?” That led to another
cocktail, and soon I was mentally sketching out the idea of a primer for men,
lest any other male ever have to endure what I did for that two hours of living
hell.
And so The Man Book was born into the world. It’s a very
funny book, in the way that watching someone else get into a car accident or
walk down the aisle is funny. But more than that, it is a book that will make
me easily the most hated man on the planet to the female of the species. And
that will be undeserved, because all I am doing is explaining why modern men
are unhappy behaving like neutered housecats. And yet I know that the outrage
from mannish women with bad short haircuts and a sincere belief that the planet
would be better without men, or with only a few for artificial insemination
purposes will be loud and immediate. I shall treasure each and every one star,
foaming at the mouth review I get, and wear it as a badge of honor. Because
ladies? The world isn’t anything like what you think it is. While you’re
driving the Explorer a man invented and engineered, talking on your cell phone
that a man designed and conceptualized, on your way to the beauty salon to have
products invented by men applied to your hair while you complain about what a
dick your husband, who wishes for death like a Labrador wishes for a squeaky
toy, is, men are building the roads you drive on, crafting the medicines that
will keep you alive, and figuring out how to get you to buy more crap nobody in
their right mind needs.
That’s the world. And men. That feeling of emptiness and
despair you feel as you trudge through your modern life? It’s a feeling that is
completely unnecessary. I’m here to bring you news of freedom. You don’t have
to feel guilty about being a man, with all that implies, any more. I’ve written
a book that even the slowest among you can grasp, that will tell you how to be
happy and fulfilled. And yes, strippers are often involved. But there’s so much
more to tell. So much.
Without any further ado, I would ask each and every one of
you to order it via Amazon – a company run by a really smart man, and download
it to your computer or Kindle (which was designed by a man), and then discover
what you’ve been missing. If you don’t like it for any reason, you can suck my
fat dick, but more importantly, you can get a refund, which you can spend on
getting your chest waxed or whatever you’re into.
No comments:
Post a Comment